Positive uses for AR-15 Rifles

Positive Uses For An AR-15 Rifle

AR-15 rifles do so much more than kill kids in schools. Sometimes I want to yell and scream at liberals who know absolutely nothing about guns and yet would try to tell the rest of us that guns are dangerous. But then I remember I am a spokesmen for sportsmen and recreational gun users, and so I put a list together describing the many reasons it is a good idea to keep AR-15 rifles available to anyone who wants one except for people who end up killing innocent people

Promote Democracy Get these babies in the hands of freedom fighters and watch liberty blossom all over the Earth. Nothing says emancipation like a hail of bullets. You can practically hear freedom ring right now, can’t you?

Kill Bad Guys Who Are Killing Kids With AR-15s What better way to take out an active shooter who’s toting an AR-15 than with another AR-15? When you’re dealing with a homicidal maniac who’s in possession of a weapon so deadly, you know a regular gun isn’t going to get the job done. This is why the world needs AR-15s, to stop psychopaths armed with AR-15s.

Increase Hand-Eye Coordination In Children. Just imagine if this girl would have trained with an AR-15 before using this UZI. Yes, it takes practice, nobody was perfect with a gun the first time they tried it. But with practice, children will develop a steady hand, which could come in handy in the future should your child decide to become a photographer or a surgeon.

Teething Ring For Ted Nugent -The Nuge Nook, for those occasions when Uncle Teddy slips over the edge and is in danger of biting his tongue off.

Help For Men Suffering From Low Testosterone Levels Nothing like a gun to make a man feeling feeble and helpless feel virile again.

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An Excuse To Show Scantily-Clad Women Because men like to look at pictures of women posing with toys. Face it, boobs just aren’t enough for some men.

Guns Are An Aphrodisiac There’s just something about a gun that makes a man sexier. It’s like high heels on a woman.

Get People’s Minds Off Global Warming -Sure, thinking about kids getting gunned down by assault rifles can be depressing, but not as depressing as the possibility of billions of humans and animals dying in a global catastrophe of our own making.

Scares Bad Guys With Guns -You think you’re scared of homicidal maniacs with AR-15s? Well, just remember the idea of good guys with AR-15s scares the hell out of homicidal maniacs, too. After all, you never see a deranged killer pulling that shit at a shooting range where others are armed, do you? Well, except that one time…

Good Training For Gamers Just think of all the insight that people playing Call Of War could gleam by practicing with the real thing.

See, AR-15s have the ability to change our lives for the better in so many ways. Before you think about banning them, think about the children and the opportunities you will be depriving them of. Peace out.

Things My Dog Taught Me Not To Do.

I typed “things my dog taught me” in Google search and it spit out 24.7 million results in .68 seconds. I was half-tempted to ask Google to think it over for a few minutes to see what else it could come up with, but that will do for a casual perusal. I did the same on Amazon and came up with pages worth of books with the title in it. I shit you not. I’m sure I could have found many more related books but I am not a paid journalist and aint nobody got time for that.

The point is, there are a lot of people getting a lot of life lessons from their dogs. Here are a few books on the subject:

I think there are more life lessons to be learned from dogs than a human being can accumulate in a lifetime. Apparently, dogs are particularly adept at teaching The Gospel, perhaps due to the fact that dog is an anagram of God.

It’s like a Goddamn conspiracy. Somebody out there, possibly a cabal, is trying to make you act like a dog. They’re trying to tell you you’re dog is smarter than you. Don’t buy it. You know who else received instruction from their dog? David Berkowitz, that’s who. The man who was known as the Son Of Sam killer was acting on the orders of his neighbor’s dog.

So in response to this sudden influx of articles and books on what you can learn from your dog, I give you this list of ten behaviors you should not learn from your dog. I seriously can't believe I have to do this, but it is apparent from the messages being delivered on the internet that I do.

1. Don’t sniff strangers’ butts. Just don’t do it. It’s an invasion of personal space and creepy as fuck. There is literally nothing to be gained by doing this.
2. Don’t just eat shit you find lying on the ground. Honestly people, I shouldn’t have to tell you this but the dog lobby is trying to make you think it's acceptable. It’s unsanitary.
3. Make room for other people on the fucking couch. Don’t pretend you’ve suddenly become paralyzed and can’t move. Just move over, it’s not the end of the world. There’s room for all.
4. If you see a couple feeling a bit romantic, give them some space, don’t try to get in between them. Have you never heard that two’s company and three’s a crowd?
5. If you need to go to the bathroom, just go. Don’t ask where the bathroom is and then stop once you get to the bathroom door like you don’t know what you came there for. And when you’re done doing your business, don’t poke around the whole bathroom for an hour like it’s a freaking museum. Oh, and nobody wants to see your business: flush.
6. Take a bath more than once every couple months, for fuck’s sake. And on a related note:
7. Don’t roll in smelly shit. Honestly, if it smells like a dead fish, what makes you think it’s a perfume to be applied liberally? You think others want you bringing that smell in their house?
8. Don’t lick your own butt. I know, this isn’t a problem for most of us, but a younger, more flexible Gene Simmons was known to do this all the time. Don’t be like Gene Simmons.
9. Don’t be a spaz. Not everybody who comes to the door is coming to give you belly rubs. Not every stranger on the street wants to be your best friend.
10. If I’m eating my dinner, don’t stare at me and drool. It’s fucking gross and I’d never do it to you. If I feel like sharing, I’ll share. Don’t try and guilt trip me. Remember, it’s uncool to drool.

Bam Bam Dead At Age 53

Bam Bam, best known for his role as Bam Bam on the Flintstones show, was found dead in his apartment in Bedrock today. Fame came early for Bam Bam, but while the spotlight soon turned from him, he managed to have a very long an interesting career. As an early investor in alternatively fueled automobiles, he was a key player in the foot propelled vehicle market. He was also involved in the less than successful predecessor of cell phones, the stone phone. His brief relationship with Pebbles Flinstone resulted in two children, Wam Bam, and Rockhead.

A Message To The Future Regarding Climate Change

This is a virtual time capsule for people to let their descendants know about their valiant struggle to maintain the status quo. If you have battled against the forces that sought to slow or stop climate change, please leave a comment so that your children's children's children will know about the bravery and foresight of their forebearers and be able to take pride in your actions.